(Photo by Monire Askari)She began by saying, "He would have been 89 next month and in January we would have been married 62 years." Never mind that "he" was in the room at Peachtree Christian Hospice with us. As soon as I heard those words, spoken in the past tense, I knew that she had already begun the process of grieving and adjusting. I also knew that she was preparing me, with or without intention, to "preach his funeral."
She told me the story of their lives together. I heard how they met and the stories of them growing toward each other. I heard about his years in Germany and Austria as an Infantryman during WWII. I heard all about his career. She sparkled as she spoke of his accomplishments and how respected he was by important people. I heard about the joys and tragedies of their time together. I learned about their children and their careers. Then about the grandchildren and their careers. I learned about the extended family. Houses bought and sold. Churches attended and left. I heard the story of a life. From time to time, as she remembered, her chin would quiver. It was interesting and captivating. I kept hearing myself say, "I didn't know that!"
It was all too familiar. I've been through this conversation dozens and dozens of times with dozens and dozens of people.
As I left, I couldn't help but be reminded that I had plenty of opportunities to know their story. There was no need for me to learn it in a hospice care facility...preparing for a funeral...speaking in past tense.
I'm gonna stop and listen more. I'm gonna ask more questions.
2 comments:
As you know, I have walked that road. There comes a time when the letting go process must begin. For anyone who is in that situation, there will be no greater guide than our David. He knows the ultimate comfort comes from above - but the hugs and concern from here on earth make a difference, too. Thanks, David, for being there for each of us when we need you. And you know who I am without a signature.
David,
People tell you their stories because you Do listen, and you care. It is such a holy time when a person can share their heart openly. It can begin a healing process. I am reminded of when Jesus went to Simon's house and the woman came to anoint him and wipe his feet with her hair. He asked Simon if he saw her. You really See people, David, and that makes the difference. We are our stories. I remember when I first joined Johns Creek I looked up at the choir and realized i knew noone. I wondered if I would ever know these people and their stories of who they were. It made me sad, and I wanted the familiar feeling of the church I had left. It has been many years since then and I have been blessed that peolpe have allowed me to be a small part of their lives and their stories at Johns Creek. I too need to listen moreand take
the time to hear all the stories that need to be told. Thank you, David, for listening. Trudy
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